Liam in the NICU

 Here are the pictures and notes I have on Liams time in the NICU. I don't know why I spent so much time on this or put in so many details but I had them so there you go. It won't hurt my feelings if you just skim and read the parts you want to.

June 18
Blood sugar was a little low the first night. I tried to go to every other feeding while I pumped and slept in between to recover from my c section.

One the first day all the two of us did really was eat and sleep. The first few days it was very hard to walk down to the NICU from the Mother & Baby unit where I had to stay but after the first day and once I had my catheter and IV out I was able to do it on my own even if it was very slow.

Liam took his first bottle after latching for about 15 minutes. He isn't really transferring anything from either and is fed through a tube in his nose.

The things keeping Liam in the NICU is he has to eat via a bottle or breast (on the first day it was 20 ml), regulate his body temperature and keep his bilirubin numbers low enough. He came out with a lot of bruising especially on his right shoulder because it was the one going down into the vaginal canal. They said that makes his body have to process more blood so it would raise his levels more.

Connor was my first hospital visitor. It devastated me that he could not meet his new baby brother because of the NICU rules. Connor was too young to go in and Liam was too young to come out.

First pump on day one I only pumped two drops of Colostrum. The staff is very breastfeeding supportive and would even take down my drops to wipe on baby's gums.

We found out that Logan's sister Dana had her baby a little early too! Just 6 hours after us. They found out their daughter Rachel has downs syndrome.

June 19
10 am I was able to pump enough milk to go into the bottle!

One interesting thing is that hospitals and lactation consultants all discourage using pacifiers before breastfeeding and your milk supply is established. But from day one the NICU nurses had given him one without even asking me. It didn't bother me but I was confused and asked about it. I was told that pacifiers were actually good for preemies because it helped to strengthen their mouth muscles and their latch.

Every 12 hours from 7 to 7 Liam had a new nurse and he rarely had the same one more that a day or two. I think Donna and Kelly were the only ones he had more than once.

Dan and Sue (Logan's parents) were actually in New York when Liam was born and were going to come visit us a few days later but Sue took the train down early so she could help with Connor at home and meet the baby. We couldn't have asked for better timing and it was so nice that she stayed until my mom could get here. I felt guilty because she was with me and not her own daughter a few hours away.

1pm I pumped 5 ml. Boobs are starting to feel full.

4:45 Visiting Liam. He has the most perfect head of red hair and this birth mark on his knee. His hair actually is a little wavy and his eyebrows and lashes are blonde.

He also has long arms and fingers. One unique thing about him is he likes to keep his hands open.

Dan came in that evening and got to meet Liam too.

This day he hadn't really nursed. I tried to do a bottle and Liam was not interested in it at all as well. It made me laugh how he would clamp is gums down so we couldn't even get the bottle in his mouth.


His jaundice levels continued to go up a little. The nurses keep telling me he will likely go under the lights because he was so bruised. His evening feeding of 20ml was half my own milk and the other was Enfamil Enfacare 22cal for Premature babies.

In the evening I did some skin to skin and couldn't have soaked up more feel good baby hormones! I could have stayed and smelled him forever!

My last pump of the day I had a combined 15 ml!


June 20
Liam wasn't really wanting to latch. They said that happens - they do great the first 24 hours and then get tired and stop doing as much. His bilirubin levels have still stayed low enough to not need the lights and they had turned down the incubator to 28 C meaning he shouldn't have to stay inside the whole thing too much longer as he continues to get better at regulating his body temp. Liam's main obstacle is learning to eat. This is a mental development and does take premature babies longer to learn until they are ready.

By the afternoon I was able to pump a full 20 ml feeding.

Connor came to visit again and brought Logan's parents with him to see the baby one more time. After that, Logan took his parents to the train station so they could head down to see Dana and he went to pick up my mom from the airport.


5:30 feeding. His little toes are so cute!

Around 9pm Logan brought had mom follow him to the hospital to see me and the baby! I was so grateful she was able to change her tickets and come out early!


Here is a picture of the machine that slowly pushes milk down Liam's nose tube into his stomach. Fun fact. Before they start this they actually use a syringe to pull whatever amount of milk out that is still undigested in his stomach! That way they can actually see exactly how much a baby is getting with each feed!


June 21
Logan has been sleeping over night with me and then running around getting everyone and taking care of Connor. Even when mom was home and before I was discharged he would go back home in the mornings to get Connor ready for school, go to work, come to the hospital right after for the evening feed and to be with me, go back home to put buddy to bed and then come back to the hospital again to sleep. He was amazing at handling all of those things but clearly very tired!

Today Liam is doing good but I had a honest talk with the ped doctor and she said it really is still going to be a couple of weeks until we should expect Liam to be home. His only real holdup is feeding and until he is ready and masters it consistently (just like how babies learn roll over or to walk it is a developmental stage) he will have to stay in the NICU.

Again today his bilirubin levels are low enough to not need the lights. One more test tomorrow but it looks like he won't need them. Surprising because the first few days all the nurses said he would.


In my notes I have that I pooped for the first time since my surgery this day. No picture but I remeber it well. haha!

Today I had Logan bring me some outfits from home because they said he could be moved out of the isolettle faster if he had warmer clothes on. I dressed Liam in one of my outfits for the first time. I had bought this preemie outfit just for him and laughed because he was still little but he was so long (19.5in) he didn't really fit the legs of it. The preemie onesies fit fine.

In the afternoon mom watched Connor while Logan went to get my prescriptions filled. Then that evening I was discharged. I was lucky that they technically let me stay one extra day (still covered by insurance) and then on Thursday let me stay all day until the evening after going to visit and feed Liam. I liked being closer to Liam but it was sure nice to sleep in my own bed!

Earlier in the day I decided to start making Connor videos of Liam and I in the hospital so he could start to see this baby brother we all kept talking about. I kept them short and talked as if I was having a conversation with Connor. I think this was one of the best things I did to help keep Connor involved and sent videos to mom and Logan to show to him most days. I was told they were received well and Connor did talk and wave to them.

June 22
Now that I was at home the new schedule was to be home to spend some time with Connor in the morning (the 21st was his last day of school and summer school had not started yet). Then mom would drive me to the hospital at 11am for the 11:30 feeding and I would stay there through the 5:30pm feeding where Logan would meet up with me and come home with him around 7:00 to help put Connor to bed.

Liam eats every 3 hours at 8:30am, 11:30am, 2:30pm, 5:30pm, 8:30pm, 11:30pm, 2:30am, and 5:30am. I would stay at the hospital from 11-7. It was like putting a full days work in and just as tiring if not more because I was obviously still recovering from major surgery a few days before and getting up to pump at night.

Before I came in in the morning I got a call from the nurse letting me know that they had put Liam under the bilirubin lights for the next 24 hours. She texted me this picture. But by the time I went in a half hour later he was out and apparently it had been a misunderstanding between the nurse and doctor on his levels but no harm done and things were back to the normal set up.

3 pm feeding he ate a whole 6ml from the breast! They check by doing a weigh in before and after he eats. Then he finished via his feeding tube while we did skin to skin and I pumped one boob at a time. I thought it was funny multitasking situation.

Mom and Connor came to eat firehouse sub for dinner with Logan and I in the waiting room. It kinda broke my heart to see Connor turn around and wonder why his momma wasn't coming home with him after we were done. It was just one of those things that are hard to explain to a three year old with limited speech and understanding.

Evening Feeding.


June 23

After our first feeding, I dressed Liam in the same outfit we brought Connor home in. It was way to long for Connor but even though Liam weighed less in this picture he fit it much better in the length.

Between the boob and bottle Liam ate 13 ml orally. His total feeding had been moved up to 40ml by now (30ml is one ounce).

Logan is back at work daily but comes for the evening feeding aroung 5. Logan changed his diaper and got peed all over.

June 24
Sunday morning we all went to church. It broke my heart to not have my baby with me. They announced his birth over the podium. It must have been strange because most people didn't know he was in the NICU but he obviously wasn't with us. After the sacrament mom and I left so I could make it to his 11:30 feeding.

Today Liam was one week old so I brought my nice camera to the hospital and tried to figure out how to take some nice shots. He had just graduated out of the isolette! but it was still tricky because I couldn't take his clothes off while he was still working to regulate his temperature and I couldn't move him more than about 5 feet from the wall where his monitor was. I was lucky that his spot was one of the very few next to a window so I rolled his bed out a little and got some pictures with some nice natural lighting. I loved how red his hair looked.

If you notice above he had a little American flag taped to his bed. They gave them to all the military families that delivered and had babies in the NICU here.


That afternoon was a little hard on me. Liam was very fussy and I also spilled the entire right bottle of pumped milk on the floor. It was over an ounce and a half. I cried.

The whole process of one feeding takes so long. Wake the baby up, do temps and change his diaper. Then we would try to nurse for 20-25 minutes being weighed before and after. Then he would get food via his feeding tube. That took another half hour. Then I'd hold him until he fell asleep and have to pump 15-20 minutes. By the time I was done it was usually an hour and a half (or more) process.

5:30 feeding. I wrote: "Liam has been spitting up a lot the last few days. I'm hoping it's not food allergies but they said they would keep a close watch on it and understand why that would be a concern for me".  Little did I know at the time that I was right. sigh.


June 25
This morning I took the tape off my incision and it made me feel kinda sick.

Connor and mom drove me to the hospital every morning for the 11:30 feeding (Mom had to drive because I was not cleared to do so for 2-3 weeks). That way I could help with Connor in the morning. Have I told you guys how much I love Connor's dimple at the top of his right cheek! You can only see it when he is really smiling big.
 
Nothing of much importance must of happened this day. I don't have many notes on it either in my notebook or phone. He did take part of a bottle and I was told he ate a whole one the night before. Liam transferred 10 ml from the breast but it took about a half hour to even get that much.

I will say that one of the things that kept me from being so totally bored was listening in on other people's conversations and hearing the nurse gossip. I usually kept the curtain around us closed for privacy because I was nursing and pumping a lot but I could still hear everything that was going on.

I was there when they brought in the military twins. The little girl Riley (she had a name blanket on her isolette) next to us was born younger than Liam and almost never woke up at all even to eat. She was there before and after we left. There was a really big loud baby that cried and cried. I heard the word "addiction" in a conversation and wonder if it was on withdrawals of some kind. Diagonal to me was a little girl that came in two days after us. I talked to her parents a few times but she got to leave several days before us. I never found out about the baby two down from us and the NICU was set up in two sections so I didn't really know about the babies on the other side other than seeing the military twins. There was another set of twins that came in but only stayed a day or two. The bed in front of us changed a few times. The last one there was a little Indian baby and often mom, grandma and great grandma would come in dressed in traditional clothes and the rest of the family would be out in the waiting room. There was also another baby that I saw in our section a few days. The mom came in in a hospital wheel chair several times but she never fed or really held him much.

The nurse gossip was about all things from weekend plans to complaining about other nurses or people that misplaced medical supplies. I wonder how much of Logan and my conversations other people listened to.

June 26
Bringing all my milk to the hospital that I pumped at home over the night before. Every day I packed a lunch for me and brought in my milk for Liam.

I came in to find a paper laying over Liam that said he had passed his hearing screening. That was great news! One less thing to worry about. Connor had not and it turned out to be very difficult trying to get him to pass.

Also as I was changing him for his 11:30 feeding half way through his umbilical cord fell off. It was there and then not. I found it in the crease of his leg.

This afternoon mom bought Liam a new blanket to keep him warmer because the nurses said his body temps were getting a little low and that would help. She was so sweet to come to drop it off nice and washed that afternoon! I also had a spontaneous idea for us to have a picnic lunch out front of the hospital and mom was so great to pack her and Connor lunches and just made it happen. It was fun.

Most days I would go to the Ronald McDonald family room to eat my lunch. It was a tiny little room with a little kitchenette and just enough space for a little table with two chairs. It had this picture on the wall that I thought was stupidly funny. Tiny picture double matted in a huge frame. But it was nice that they had a place for parents to take a break and it was stocked with free snacks and drinks every few days.

I love Liams whale blanket and he still sleeps under it every night even a month later.


June 27

Its never a good sign when you start to feel something warm. I got peed on!

I got peed and pooped on more than once today. Liam seemed to be very upset today for a few hours. It was very unlike him and even the nurses were surprised but he eventually calmed down. I had to pump and hold him at the same time to help him feel better. I believe this was the day we went through FOUR outfits over the span of just a few hours all due to spit ups or him peeing out.

At one point I saw white bumps at the back of his mouth (because it was wide open from screaming) and had the Dr check it out. She said they were pearls. Totally harmless and would eventually go away but it still freaked me out for a little while.

At his last feeding Liam pulled his feeding tube almost all the way out so they decided to put in a new one. He wasn't too happy about it.

I didn't want to watch when they put it in. They said it didn't hurt them at all but Liam still didn't like it plus it didn't seem natural to me to have something shoved down your nose.

By the end of this day I was feeling pretty down. I was tired and seeing Liam so upset most of the day was bringing back hard memories from when Connor was a baby and dealing with his food sensitivities and I felt like a failure at doing diapers because of how many outfits we went through but I had the nicest nurse this day. Her name was Sangeeta. She was an Indian woman and had beautiful henna on her hands she said from a wedding a couple weeks before. She heard me telling Logan how upset I was from the frustrating day and I was crying a little. She parted the curtain a little and talked to me as mother to mother. She encouraged me and told me I was doing great and she was just ever so sweet. It really helped. When we went to leave she gave me a big hug and wished me all the best!

June 28
This morning I got a call from the Hospital from his Ped saying that he was all the sudden doing so well on his bottle feeds that they projected he would come home that weekend! I was shocked because he still wasn't transferring more than 15 ml from the breast and I had never seen him come close to eating all of a bottle.

When I came in they had actually pulled his feeding tube because he was eating from a bottle so well. I gave him one with pumped milk and he took it all with no problems. It was really like it just clicked and he was ready to eat like a normal baby. That day I remember Liam even seemed more happy! Probably because he could now move his face freely without the tape from his tube. Look how red it made his sensitive skin.

Our little corner of the world. There was a window on the left and then a curtain that pulled all the way around this little space. This was the place we spent all our hours during the first two weeks of Liams life. I couldn't wait to bring him to a real home where I could walk around with him and not have to worry about cords when changing him.

I do have to admit though it was nice having professionals helping you out every hour and the monitors to tell you exactly how well your child was doing. It was nice being able to go home and actually get real sleep while I was recovering. It took a lot of guess work and worry out of having a newborn.

June 29
This morning he had not quite gained any weight so he wouldn't come home today. I was told that Liam would probably get his circumcision that afternoon and if he gained enough weight he could get to come home the next day!

I was so excited about bringing him home so we could all be a family together and Connor would finally get to meet his brother. But I was also nervous because that meant I would no longer have these great baby sitters watching my baby at night for me.

I sat around all day waiting for the Doctor to come do Liam's circumcision until the time I normally went home. The saddest news and the reason I found out we had to wait so long was because another mother had come in, had an emergency c section because of a placental abruption and ended up loosing the baby. I learned this all from just overhearing two nurses talking. One of the nurses I knew well (Donna) had done cpr on the baby. I believe I found out about what had happened before the mother and father even because they waited for her to come out of general anesthesia before they told the family. My heart broke for them. All the nurses were pretty bummed that day. I held on to my little Liam a little tighter that day so grateful knowing he would be healthy and home with me the next day.

About an hour after I got home and just before mom and I were going to go out to the store I got the call that the Doctor had finally come and so I drove back to the hospital with mom and waited until they brought him back so I could nurse him.

He was so sad. He clearly hurt and you could tell because he made a cry I had never heard from him before. I nursed him to sleep - the only thing I could do to comfort him. I hated to see him that way but I was excited to know that in the morning I would be going to the hospital for the last time and would be bringing my baby home!


June 30
Liam comes home!