I got up early Sunday morning to pee. I still felt a bit wet a little after wiping and thought it was just discharge but wasn't sure so I went back to bed but took a screen shot of my phone just in case to remember the time. I didn’t sleep.
I googled water breaking at 35 weeks even though I wasn’t sure that was it. About 15 minutes later in bed I felt wet again. I stood up to go wipe and it saturated my underwear this time. It still wasn’t as dramatic as when I broke my water with Connor. Leaking really. So I sat on the toilet and put a pad on and yes it kept coming a little bit at a time. By 7:15 I knew for sure it my water had broken and it was time to wake Logan up to get packing.
Logan and Connor had actually slept in the tent that night for the very first time so I put my shoes on and walked out to them in the backyard. They were going to do it the night before but I felt like it was too cold outside and made them wait a night. They were both adorably sleeping so I took a few pictures and then whispered Logan until he woke up and told him my water had broke.
Without saying a word he started gathering things up and waking Connor. I told him I was going to shower first so he had a little time. I think I told him how cute he was sleeping with buddy and told him I couldn’t believe it was time. Logan was sleepy but had a “let’s do this attitude”!
I called my Dr office once I was back inside. Since it was the weekend it went to the answering service and then the doctor on call called me back pretty fast. It was Dr Zalkin - “the funny one” - Aka my least favorite of the delivering doctors at my office that I had met with. It sounded like I had woken him up. He told me it was “time to take a drive”. I didn’t understand what he was saying at first and then he said it’s time to go to the hospital. Alright.
Since I was just slowly leaking and it was completely clear I took a short shower. I was glad I took a few minutes to wash my hair. Then I got ready, called my mom and friend Christy to come pick up Connor. I was totally packed for Logan and I but hadn’t gotten anything ready for Connor because I was really hoping mom would be here (oh well, we tired) so I had to do that real fast.
Being all nervous/excited it was hard for me to eat. The night before I made muffins for Father’s Day and ate two of them, and a fruit bar.
Logan was so good to get Connor ready for the day and church and pack up all the camping stuff. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise that Connor had had to sleep in his sleeping bag for the first time ever that night because that’s what he ended up sleeping in at Christy’s house.
Just before going we had a mini Father’s Day gift opening. I gave Logan his new BYU hoodie and the two BYU shirts for the boys to match him. I also gave him workout rings and an unsigned card. Connor was so cute giving him the little card he made at school.
I got a kiss from Connor and Christy’s 4 year old daughter took Connor by the hand and Connor happily walked out the door with them. I teared up a bit seeing how big he was and already missing him being my baby.
I have not been very good about getting belly pics this pregnancy so I had Logan take a few just before getting in the car.
We didn’t know it when we moved in but it turned out that the delivering hospital we were to go to is just 5 minutes away from our house in Mt Laurel. We parked and walked into the emergency room to check in at about 9am. We had to wait behind two other people to get to the counter but after that it was really quick getting seen there and then wheeled up to the maternity floor. I was admitted around 9:30am.
Once there they asked for a weight measurement. I stood up and then my water really come out. If I wasn’t sure it had broken before I sure knew it then. I weighed 152 - a full 10 pounds more than I did with Connor.
I was taken to room 386. The very first door and learned at the time I was the only woman in labor there at the time.
They tested the inside of my vagina with a swab that turned blue indicating that my water really did break. I also got examined by the hospital doctor and I was 1 cm dilated.
Turned out breaking my water first thing in the morning I forgot to drink any actual water and had not had any all night. Monitors were showing my blood pressure and was a little high and they were worried but I was just dehydrated. First try at a IV failed and then lots of nurses looked at my veins but no one wanted to try again. One more attempted but couldn’t pull any blood out so they called in the anesthesiologist to try.
He was a really nice guy and got it on the first try in my left hand. Since he was already there he listened to my epidural experience from last time. I really felt like he heard me and listened and said he would do everything he could to make this time better once it was time. He left saying he was sure it would still be a while until I needed the epidural but would see me later.
With my IV in they started to push the fluids to get me hydrated. Then I got antibiotics. This time they did a good job keeping enough fluids going in my IV so the antibiotics didn’t hurt. Then they started the pitocin and I got a betamethasone shot to help the baby lungs develop as much as they could before I delivered. At this point I had not really started contractions.
They talked to me about doing another method called a Cook balloon to help dilate me. It’s a long plastic stick they put in with three leads. They filled it with saline and it fills up two balloons on the end. One on either side of my cervix. They had it inserted around noon and after that we just had to sit and wait. Dr. Zalkin checked in around 1pm.
The balloon made going to the bathroom awkward because it hung out of me about 8 inches. This is a actual picture of mine once it was removed.
A few times I went to the bathroom and got amniotic fluids all over the floor because it would gush out while I was washing my hands. I was a little embarrassed with how much a mess I made. They kept changing my pads under my bottom in bed too. I think it was after my epidural but the nurse complemented me on how well I could lift my bottom. I told her I’d never been complemented on that before.
I got more pitocin and started having regular contractions around 1:15pm. They seemed to increase in intensity quite quickly. Very soon I was not able to talk through them.
I felt like I very quickly then was uncomfortable enough I wanted my epidural. I knew I could handle more pain but why if I didn’t need to. So I asked for my epidural at 3:00pm.
I was pretty nervous and shaking a little but the really nice guy who did my IV talked me though it and was very careful. He waited in between my contractions and was patient. This time they had Logan sit in a chair in front of me and the nurse held my shoulders and hand.
***Cynthia skip 1 paragraph***
He numbed me twice and told me to tell him if I felt anything sharp. I did after a little bit and he numbed me again. This time I didn’t feel it and he said I might hear a pop. All the sudden I heard the pop and involuntary shot up straightening my back. He said that was good and it meant it was in the right spot. He took the plastic cover off and taped the lead up real well. It went so much better than last time! It still was uncomfortable and hurt a little but no back spasms or pain from the epidural needle. I was happy to have it in. It was done around 3:45pm.
I got my first dose of pain killers. It takes a little bit to kick in but I could start to tell it was working. He asked if my toes were tingling and they were but also I told him my legs felt a little warm. I could see he was impressed and said that he believed that I was sensitive because that is actually the first signs of the epidural working but most people can’t feel it. By the time the anesthesiologist left I was able to talk through my contractions as they faded.
I could still really feel a lot of pressure at 5pm and after a while being on the epidural the nurse said she would do a catheter and hopefully that would help. It did! After a few minutes the nurse looked at the bag and even she seemed a little surprised at how much I had filled it up!
That afternoon I tried to nap but just couldn’t. Actually the whole time we were in the delivery room I never once turned the tv on or got anything out other than my cell phone to update people. Somehow I was shocked that time was going by so fast. Logan got a little rest and I even got a picture text from Christy that Connor had taken a great nap too.
Logan and I still had not decided on Liam’s middle name. We talked about our top three contenders - Bradly, Andrew and Ronald. Bradly was the one I originally wanted but we cut that one off the list first because it didn’t really have any meaning behind it. Ronald is my fathers name and then we thought Andrew was funny because it was the boy version of my middle name. Connor has Logan’s middle name and then Liam would have a version of mine. Also when I was little my dad would call me Andy or Andrew when I cut all my hair off when I was 7. Andrew reminded me of my dad. We both decided on Liam Andrew Dixon.
My nurse came to check the cook balloon at 7pm and eventually I was dilated enough it just came out. She said that meant I was about 4 cm dilated.
Dr Zalkin came in and felt to see how far dilated I was. Still about 4 cm. He really got his hands up in there. Then said he wanted to help get the baby in a better position. I was super glad I had my epidural because he really pushed and pulled inside and out on my belly. He went and brought in an ultrasound machine. I remember not being too concerned until he had Logan come sit next to me so he could talk to both of us.
At about 8pm he said “we have to do something different. This baby is not in the right position to come out”. I remember being shocked and asked him to tell me what he meant. That’s when he said I would have to get a c section because the baby had dropped down but his shoulder and elbow were coming first. I asked if there was anything else we could try. He said no and we would start prepping for the c section. I had started to tear up and then when he left, Logan got up to look at me and I cried.
I cried for a long time. I was scared and it felt like nothing was going to plan. I was afraid of being awake and it hurting. I really didn’t want to do it. I had been texting all my sisters and mom but then I needed my mom. I wanted her to be there but she couldn’t be. I just texted her. “Baby’s shoulder is in my cervix so they are taking me into a c section in a little. I’m so scared. I’m so sad. I didn’t want to do it this way.”
While Logan held my hand the nurse came over to comfort me and promised it wouldn’t hurt.
A little after that I felt totally drained. It was as if my body shut down. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I still couldn’t sleep. It felt like my head was propped at a weird angle and people kept talking to me. I just wanted more time and everything to fade away for a moment.
Interestingly a similar thing happened when I was giving birth to Connor. I was in my worst contractions and a lot of pain. I felt like I was screaming and going crazy but Logan said I was just laying there with my eyes closed. Maybe this is my body’s version of fight or flight. I run away and retreat internally in myself when I feel so stressed out I don’t know how to handle it anymore.
Still they continued to get me ready for the c section. Logan put on some scrubs and tried to show me how funny he looked. I still couldn’t open my eyes much to see. My nurse told me how the c section would go.
Just before taking me back I remember Logan coming over and giving me a quick blessing just before the nurses came back into the room. I was so grateful he thought to use his priesthood at the time to give me a blessing of comfort.
It felt so fast after they told us the news that they rolled me out to the operating room. They took Logan to wait in a different room for about 20 minutes and I went on by myself.
I remember feeling like I had very narrow tunnel vision. All I could see what the ceiling - this huge reflective set of lights above the operating table -and the people walking around me. I met a new nurse, a different anesthesiologist and a gray haired man that said he would be assisting Dr Zalkin on the surgery today. I know a pediatric team was also there on the other side of the room behind the blue screen.
They needed to get me to the operating table and asked if I could move my legs. For the first time I tried but they were totally dead with the new drugs they had me on. I really tried but couldn’t make them do anything. They asked me to put my hands across my body and rolled me over on a board to get me on the table. One of the nurses commented on how cute my toes were and I was really glad I had gotten that done just 2 days earlier.
They put up the big blue screen and I thought it was obnoxiously close to my face. My hands had to go out straight on either side of my body. They were shaking really bad. Around 8:45pm Logan came and sat by my head. Then they did this time out thing where I had to answer my nurse and tell the room my name, birthdate and that I was there for a c section. Then they started.
***Cynthia skip 4 paragraphs***
It was so weird. I really could feel ALL the tugging and movement but thankfully no pain. They kept telling me to let them know if I felt anything sharp. I didn’t. I did feel like I was going to throw up. They gave me drugs for that. I thought maybe my head was being held down. Later I learned it was Logan’s hand and he was continuing my blessing in his heart and praying for me while they started the c section.
It was really uncomfortable. They mean it when they say you will feel a lot of “pressure”. I tried not to look but I could tell when the cut me open because my skin pink turned red in the overhead lights. I could even tell when they found Liam’s head because it was a little more brown in the reflection.
After the surgery we found out that by the time he cut me open, Liam’s right arm was fully down the birth canal. When he cut open my uterus the first thing they all saw was his left arm shoot out and the room laughed because it looked like he was waving at all of us. Unfortunately, that made it harder for the doctor to try and get him out. I do remember him saying he needed a head. Dr Zalkin later told me he almost had to cut me twice because Liam wasn’t cooperating.
As they pulled the baby out it was a terrible feeling. Almost like pain but that dull pressure they warned me about. It made me groan as they pushed on me and pulled the baby. It was definitely the worst part.
***
Then they said the baby was out! It took a little bit but I could hear him cry as they took him over to the pediatricians to check him over. I cried when I heard his little sounds! They told Logan to go over and take a look. I asked him to take some pictures. I sat on the table still starring at that stupid light and seeing how the refelction slowly turned less red and back to me as they stitched me up. I asked what his apgar test results were and the nurse said 8/8.
It felt like forever but finally one of the nurses brought Logan and the baby back over to my face. Logan got some photos of me seeing him the first time. He was so sweet and I gave him a kiss. The nurse pulled back his hat to show me how much hair he had and said it looks like he is a redhead! All I wanted was to take him in my arms and love him but the moment was soon over and they took him to the nicu while they finished with me. I had done it.
I was taken to the recovery room and asked for some anti anxiety meds. I remember feeling chatty. They told me I may not remember that part but I do I just don’t remember what I talked about. The recovery room was dark and quiet. They said I’d be there for at least an hour (but I’m pretty sure it was closer to two) and I would get to see the baby when I was done there. I was still very tired so I told logan to go get some food before everything closed. I mostly dozed and thought to myself as the feeling in my toes came back.
It was finally time to leave and they wheeled me into the mother baby unit section of the hospital where I would room the rest of my time there. Sadly my room didn’t get a bassinet and this time my room view wasn’t the ocean but just a neighborhood and the hospital parking lot.
The nurse helped me into a regular bed and hooked my pee bag to the side and wheeled me down to the special care nursery. I finally got to hold my baby! He was so small and lovely. I was so happy he was there. That morning I had wished and imagined holding him and I kept thinking what a miracle it was that it had actually happened and there he was - and me, now a mother of two beautiful sons.
Liam Andrew Dixon was born 5 weeks early on June 17 on Father’s Day. He came into the world at 8:58pm and was 5 pounds, 6 ounces and 19.5 inches long! He has red hair and blue eyes.
No comments :
Post a Comment